Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
