Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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