You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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