yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
