Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
