HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
