is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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