Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
