you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
