Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
