They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
