This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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