you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
