I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
