Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
