I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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