none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
