why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
