I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
3 2 1 whiskey
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
