I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
