Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
