Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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