is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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