So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
