I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
