my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
