You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
