You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
