Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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