A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
