I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
