He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
