I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
