So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
