I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
