I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i have herpe
just one?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
