This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
