I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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