eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
