We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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