I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
