Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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