If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
