I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
