He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
