You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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