ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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