You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
