Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
