there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
