i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
