the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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