i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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