I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
