You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
