why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You took a bar mat shot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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