we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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