That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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