i dont even know how to be here
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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