I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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