Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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