whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
