I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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