Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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